How To Give Yourself Fake Stigmata

and other delights

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A few notes from the Gordon school of online photography.

Required Equipment

1 digital camera.
1 ironic t-shirt aquired at the mall on sale that insinuates you are promiscuous.
1 container of high quality store brand
a pinch of irony and sarcaism

Lets get busy

Pose holding your Shaw’s brand syrup on your deck on a hot day when you feel like crap. Be sure to exposure incorrectly (see above.)

Apply Shaw’s brand chocolate syrup to hand and make it appear as if you are bleeding. Remember, the nails went through the wrists and not the hands because otherwise you would fall of the cross.

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Now, take a badly exposed and composed image of the chocolate syrup on your hand. (see above)

But why make it bad?

Mediocrity rules and the internet loves bad art, photography and you need flickr fame.

Open Your Images In Photoshop

To make it art, you need to convert it to black and white. I would spend hours working with the channel mixer to get it right, but you won’t. Simply desaturate that image, work on the levels a little and then post it online. Remember, the more mediocre your work is, the better it will be.

The Final Product

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See that doesn’t look real at all. But I put a lot of effort into it so you should love it.

ps. I love you.